Be the Teacher

To not enjoy writing, I sure do love a good blog!

Most of y'all probably already know, but here's some background information about me before I dive in.

  • I taught 8th grade math for 6 years
  • I became my district's math coach for 2 years
  • I uprooted my life to go back to school and moved
  • I'm currently teaching 8th grade math again
Heads up, I think this one will be a long one.

At my old school, I started out as the new teacher.  I came in as a first-year math teacher, straight out of college.  I was one of 3 Black teachers employed at the school, and that presented its own problems.  I greatly struggled with classroom management.  I didn't know how to break down seemingly "easy" math topics so students could understand them.  I was nauseous every day going to work.  I honestly don't know how I made it through those first few years.  Actually, I do.

I had a fantastic principal.  He was the epitome of support.  Even to this day, I know I can call him and he would bend over backward to help me in my endeavors.  I also had a phenomenal district math coach.  I begged her to come to watch me teach whenever she could because I knew I needed the help.  She was the best for the job.  I knew I needed ALL of the help, but she never belittled me or my teaching.  She would always say "what if you did this" or "I read this; let's try it in your classes."  It was so wrapped in support, that I didn't realize the coaching.  

During my time there, I finished my Master's in Mathematics and became a National Board Certified teacher.  I had phenomenal teaching partners and fellow 8th grade math teachers.  I invited countless people into my classroom to #ObserveMe and offer feedback on whatever I was working on at the time.  It was at this school that I saw the value in observations.  I grew out of being nervous when a principal, assistant principal, behavior specialist, district coach, fellow teacher, or anyone else would walk into my classroom unannounced; I learned to use these as learning opportunities and greatly valued their feedback.  

(If I knew a great segue, I'd put it here but I don't.)

While at this school, I knew that I wanted to eventually help and support other math teachers.  I wanted them to feel like rockstars in their classrooms.  This was (and still is) my dream job.  My district had an opening for the district math coach.  I only had 6 years of experience, but I HAD to apply for it.  Yes, I knew other people were probably more qualified, but I couldn't NOT apply.  Before applying, I had the dreaded conversation with my principal.  I owed it to him!  When I asked to meet with him, he already knew what I wanted to talk about.  He said, "I know; I knew when they posted the job.  You have to apply."  I applied.  Anxiety-induced nausea was my portion.  I interviewed.  I hid the entire process from my coworkers.  And then I got it.  

I got the job.  I.  GOT.  THE.  JOB!  Me?  The young math teacher who didn't even have 10 years of experience.  The teacher who was always the youngest math representative in the district.  The one who was still finding her way.  The teacher from the small, easy-to-disregard middle school.  The teacher who only had experience teaching 8th grade math.  The one who didn't command the room when she walked in.  That teacher got the job.  

You know, imposter syndrome is such a real thing.

Why did I deserve this job?  Was I going to be a joke of a math coach?  What was I even supposed to do?  Thankfully, I was blessed with another great boss.  She was patient and supportive.  She gave me guidance, but also let me feel my way as a coach.  The district had 2 different coaches before me, but I wanted to make my own path.  How was I going to be different than them?  Well, there was one MAJOR difference.  COVID.

My first year as a coach was the 2019-2020 school year.  

Enough about that.

During my second year as a coach, schools had a lot of guidelines and protective measures for anyone on campus.  Because of this, I didn't interact with teachers as much as I wanted to.  It wasn't ideal, but we were still able to do some things.  During this time, I realized that I love anything with standards and writing test items.  This seems so weird and unlike me, but it became a passion.  I absolutely love studying standards and really diving into what students are to understand.  This is mainly thanks to my district's 2nd math coach.  I didn't really realize this until after working with her.  After studying standards, I enjoy writing items as well as analyzing items that are already written.  Yes, I know that standardized testing is the worst, but it's the world we live in.  

(Insert your own segue here)

I've always wanted to go back to school to receive a doctorate in education.  I began to seriously look at colleges during the great quarantine of 2020.  I was torn between two colleges.  One of them was out of state and would require me to take graduate-level math courses.  I'd already done this for my Master's and I knew I didn't want to do it again.  The other one was in-state with a fabulous program, but I didn't like the school.  🤷🏾‍♀️   I chose the latter and moved from my college town of 14 years.  There was so much emotion in this move, but I knew it was supposed to happen.

I began teaching 8th grade math again!  I didn't realize how much I'd grown as a teacher until I got back in the classroom.  I have confidence that is new to me.  I understand district officials because I'd been housed in a district office for 2 years.  I understand admin because I'd worked closely with principals for 2 years.  I understand teachers because I worked with teachers from 17 different schools. I have a new perspective.  Even with all of this, I know that the most I can do is to teach to the best of my ability every day.  

But sometimes, my best doesn't seem good enough.

When I came to this school, I came in as a "rockstar" teacher.  They expected me to be great.  To me, however, I'm just Cononiah.  I just do my thing.  I close my classroom door and I teach math.  I still ask for help.  I welcome feedback.  I'm still growing.  

I'm still growing. 

I listen to podcasts.  I read books.  I join Facebook groups.  I study articles.  I read tweets.  I attend conferences and webinars.  I mean, I'm still a student!  😂  Sometimes, I wish I could go back to a time when people didn't automatically expect me to be this phenomenal teacher, but that sounds crazy!  We all want to excel in our careers.  As we train to perfect our craft, that comes with building our reputations.  People at conferences learn your name.  Teachers outside of your school seek your advice.  You're no longer the teacher with no experience.  You're no longer the teacher that can slip into a room and no one notices.  You're not the teacher who doesn't have anything to add to the conversation.  You're THE teacher.  Be the teacher.

Well, that's all.  Hopefully, I'll keep this blog updated, unlike my last one.  

Until next time,
Cononiah

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